The importance of being too stupid to exist

Today’s lesson, brought to you by Team 189, is the importance of not being a moron.

It began this evening whilst I was on the internet and speaking to my brother over MSN. Strangely, someone by the e-mail address of bowdown2kingsean@hotmail.co.uk decided to add me to their contact list. The conversation began quite well, him introducing himself to Sean and me explaining I had no idea who he was or any further desire to speak to him. Then things started getting strange, he kept believing I was Callum and rudely attempting to convince him I was a student at the University of Gloucestershire.

Rich says:
perhaps you’re mistaking me for somebody you actually know ?

I am king says:
sean ryan for gad sake. I was a defender last year for the a team. 

(and now it gets really perculiar)

I am king says:
i gave grapes when i went on the 147 to max`s house

Rich says:
The A team ? sweet.. Did you meet Mr T ? Seriously, who do you think I am?

I am king says:
do u ve john couson`s msn addi

Rich says:
again, no idea who you are talking about. Lets start with the basics. Hi, I’m Richard Millington a student at the university of Gloucestershire

I am king says:
dichead

Now he started to get particuarly annoying, and continued on claiming I was callum. So, to put it simply, I stopped resisting and agreed to be Callum.

Rich says:
Me and Luke (a name I plucked from his personal message box) are going to cinema tomorrow, wanna come ?

I am king says:
ur inviting me sean ryan me?

I am king says:
cool

Rich says:
Meet outside at 8pm.

I am king says:
ok

Team 189 recovers from Subtone

Bad news guys. In light of some rather poor attempts to chat up fresher girls, the following sentences are now banned from use:

• What course are you studying?
• Where are you from?
• Which accommodation are you in?
• What do you think of the new SU bar? [they weren't here for the old SU bar dumbass!]
• Do you come here often? [If anyone is still using this, seek help]Team 189 reserves the right to beat anyone heard using these sentences over the head with a stick.

Instead please try sticking to sentences which you remotely care about. These include:

• Where are you going tonight?
• Are you going to the fresher’s ball?
• Do you know of anyone who’s got spare tickets to [event] – [could be a good way to 'break the ice'].

So last night in Subtone was quite good. Far too high a male to female ratio for Team 189’s liking but still very chilled out, fairly good music and a great atmosphere. Can’t ask for much more than that, it wont be long before Team 189 will venture further afield in search of the ‘perfect night out’. Oh, and Stu was headbutted for trying to chat up a Chav’s girlfriend.

Poker night here on Tuesday guys, 7pm – 11pm. £3 entry, winner gets £20, second place gets £10. Bring snacks and alcohol.

Update: Sugarush says “Minesh had a friend”.

Jesse’s Devon Adventure – Part 1

Team 189 has had a complaint from Jesse about not being mentioned in our Devon trip post. Team 189 wholeheartedly apologises and would like to correct this situation immediately.

So buckle your seatbelts and take the phone off the hook for Jesse’s rollercoaster story.

Jesse went to bed with his girlfriend at around midnight. He woke up in a bedroom (of all places!) the next morning at about 8am.

Miramax are rumoured to be interested in the movie rights.

What Team 189 have been up to the last few days

Tim: Went home for a dentist appointment, came back the NEXT day (how long was that “dentist appointment” Tim?)Went out to Blush on Thursday night. Came back home suspiciously late. Further investigation required.

Rich: Back on the market again after getting dumped by ‘The Lithuanian’ over msn messenger for “using” her. Went to Moda on Wednesday, came back irritatingly early.

Sugarush: Pulled Max in Moda and cleaned the kitchen. Still hasn’t decided which was more disgusting. [sorry Max!]

Also Team 189 are recruiting two new housemates for our five-bedroom house. Attractive and single people take priority. As do those not entirely put off by the idea of sleeping with one (or more) of us.

Get us while we’re hot. We don’t bite, usually.

Team 189 does Moda

Ok two important points to cover straight away. The first, there are far too many freshers in Cheltenham and nowhere near enough clubs. The problem with Fez & Chemistry closing is that not only are we left with a limited, and rather poor, choice of clubs to go to each night, but there are more people going to these awful places. The second point is that it is never worthwhile getting into a fight over people doing press-ups infront of you. How would you explain that to the police, seriously?

Policeman – “so what started the fight?”

Us – “well officer, those fools were doing press-ups infront of us. I’m sure you will agree that they deserved a thorough beating.”

Besides that, it was a very good night out. Team 189 bought tickets to Moda from the Frog at around 1pm and were thus able to skip the HUGE queue. It was very “cosy” inside, but in true Team 189 fashion we made the most of it. Working our way up to our patch of the dance floor and trying our best to ignore the typically poor Moda music. (Is one pure trance night a week really so much to ask?).

What was really great about last night, except for how much fun everyone was having, was our new nextdoor neighbours joining our group for the last hour or so. They were a great laugh and seemed to get along with everyone quite well. They came back to our house after and we chatted until about 5am. Wild.

Alcohol – £90+, Petrol – £30+, waking up in a carpet shop – priceless

Alcohol – £95, petrol – £30, waking up in a carpet shop, priceless.

There is something quite strange, but entirely wonderful, about waking up in a carpet shop. I’ve been bragging about it for almost a day now. Sadly I was not the only member of our group which woke up in a strange place. Fellow Team 189 member Sugarush woke up 20 miles away in a 19 year old’s bed (cradle robber), Bullet & Minesh woke up in the office, Henry and Pete in their car’s and Jamie was discovered by Jesse clinging to a piece of carpet on the stairs.

In short? It was a very, very strange weekend.

I’ll begin with my story before trying to decipher what/who everyone else did. We got to Kingsbridge in Devon ok (our car and Jamie’s car that is. Max, Seb (Max’s dog), Bullet and Minesh arrived four hours later because they “couldn’t find the M5” and wound up in North Devon heading towards Cornwall. We bought over £90s worth of alcohol from Somerfield’s, between eight of us, and then headed on to a local pub.

After a pint at a local pub we drove through some fantastic winding backwater roads in the county to get to Stu’s house (not technically Stu’s house as he lives in the shed outside). We spent a few hours there before heading back into Kingsbride, reuniting with Max’s car (and occupants) and making our way to Stu’s brother’s carpet shop’s garden.

It was a great garden setup for a 21st party complete with a barbecue, DJ, marquees, swings, slides and, the most important part of any piss-up, a trampoline! The group was generally a 50/50 split between Stu’s Uni friends and his mates from home. We seemed to get along quite well, in Henry’s, Pete’s and Ben’s case, very well.

We drank, danced, drank, trampolined, drank and ate until about 11pm when we decided to go to the local club, Fusion. Now clubs in Cheltenham aren’t usually very big and are normally overpriced. Clubs (the only club) in Kingsbridge was terrible. It cost £6 to get in (I offered to pay for Ben, but because he was so drunk he just walked confidently past the bouncers without paying) and it was tiny. Not much bigger than, well, your typical tiny Devonshire club. We kept walking around expecting to find some stairs or additional rooms, but were disappointed. Strangely it had an internet terminal.

Not too much happened at the club, we drank a lot, danced a bit, Ben & Stu pulled the same girl and we left after a few hours, without Sugarush. When we got back to the garden there were still a few people mingling about and so much alcohol left to drink. I have nod idea what time it was then, but Jamie, myself and a few others began the ‘last man standing’ competition (no explanation necessary) and I spend about 30 minutes on the dance floor. Once the world began spinning much fast than usual I decided it was time to explore the carpet shop. I discovered Minesh trying to open the (locked) front door.

Minesh – “Come on Rich, lets go walk around Bath”
Me- “Err, Minesh”
Minesh – “I really feel like walking around Bath, I can handle Bath”
Me – “Minesh….”
Minesh – “I can’t open the door”
Me – “Min, we’re in Devon.
*Minesh stares quizzically at me for a moment before spotting a cat sleuthing it’s way around the floor*
Minesh – “I bet I can lift that cat up by it’s head”

After worriedly observing Min’s cat skills I decided it was time to explore upstairs. Where I came across Stu speculating if he had actually gone to Fusion that night or not (he was in the club less than 30 minutes ago). He couldn’t quite seem to understand how his hand had been stamped as he hadn’t gone out that night. He then called Sugarush to find out where she was and discovered she was in a small village about 30 minutes away. He drunkenly offered to drive and pick her up, Sugarush wisely (though perhaps selfishly) rejected.

After this I decided that I had had enough of the party and it was time to shut it down. I passed out on the plug, disconnecting the DJ, lights and pretty much everything outside. Some people weren’t pleased.

Everything else after this is a blur. I know I stumbled back outside to find Jamie still dancing on the dance floor shouting “Last man standing, last man standing”. Bullet got his sleeping bag and went to sleep…on the trampoline. Then I know I woke up in the bed of a carpet shop with a bad hangover. With the exception of Ben, who was in the next bed, I couldn’t find anyone. It had rained outside and despite the explosive mess, there was nobody around. Me and Ben drank a few of the remaining Spitfire’s and waited for others to emerge from wherever they spent the night.

As best as I can work out, this is what happened to everyone:

Bullet: Went to sleep on the trampoline, but was jumped on. Slept in the office next to Minesh.
Minesh: Thrown out of about five pubs in Devon, managed to make it into Fusion (after trying to walk straight in), never could quite grasp the fact we weren’t in Bath.
Pete: Pulled some girl right at the end of the party, walked back to her house but decided against going in because her mum was screaming at her…how old was she Pete?
Max: Vanished. Reappeared, Vanished, And Reappeared. Vanished.
Henry: Condom machine swallowed his £2, slept alone in his car.
Ben: Pulled a girl in Fusion, before Stu walked in and also pulled her. He got pissed off and went back to the carpet shop.
Sugarush: Slept with a 19 yr old guy who “knew of Stu”. Had to get Henry to give her a ride back. Strangely had scratch marks on her back.
Stu: Doesn’t remember much. A stamp on hide hand suggests he was in Fusion. Pulled Ben’s girl.
Jamie: Last man standing winner – no-one else cares. Found at around 5am sleeping on the stairs clinging to a piece of carpet (from the shop).

The next morning we moaned about how tired we were and our hangovers. Henry brought Kingsbridge to a standstill, literally, by parking in a major road and preventing a bus from getting past. Ate a full English breakfast. Drove back.
Tim is now back, so Team 189 is complete. Went to the SU bar that night for it’s first day and see if we have a good crop of freshers this year. Not bad.

Didn’t go out to Essence. It’s the only club open and there are about 5,000 people going out that night.

Slept well, very well.

The end.

Ten people, three cars and one dog.

This is the plan as far as Team189 understands it. In five minutes time we are going down to the Frog and Fiddle to consume alcohol and discuss the weekend. Then on Saturday we are going to Devon to celebrate Stu’s 21^st birthday in his brother’s house. There will apparently be a DJ and an “unlimited” (unsubstantiated claim) alcohol.  Max is bringing his dog along of course. 

Stu’s brother works in a bed warehouse, where we will be spending the night, apparently. We will then be driving back up on Sunday morning (err, sure.) At which time Team189 will be complete as Tim will be visiting us in the UK for a year and moving into the Team189 house. Then from 1pm to 11pm we will be consuming alcohol in the SU bar in celebration of whatever takes our fancy that day. Then from 11pm to a time yet to be confirmed we will be consuming alcohol and dancing (conservatively wobbling legs/flapping arms/nodding head) to crap music in Essence.